oh, mitt. never change.
ah. the quarter century mark has arrived. it’s real. it’s happening. the big 2-5. honestly, i’ve never really been one to freak out about my age. for all you old folks reading this, i know you’re probably shaking your head and thinking what the hell does this baby know about AGE? to answer your question, old person, not a whole lot! i do know that i continue to get older, obviously, and each year comes with it’s own wisdom, BS, beauty, pain, and all of life’s flotsam and jetsam.
it’s a little bit challenging to rattle off 25 years worth of stuff i’ve realized/learned/observed, but i’ve narrowed it down to a few pearls (and maybe a few CZ’s) so here we go:
- playing sports as a kid was the best. i freaking SUCKED at sports and i wouldn’t take back a single day of little league softball or basketball. it also helped that my dad was almost always my coach.
- if you’re fortunate to have kickass parents, you should feel grateful every single day. i realize how rare it is, so even when my amazing parents are pissing me off, i’m still so thankful that they’re around to piss me off.
- the only thing better than being the funniest person in the room is being the most sincere. strange coming from a girl whose blog runs on quips and sarcasm, but i’ve realized that if you are insincere, then you’re nothing. well, no, not nothing…you are an asshole.
- a bad hair day does not automatically equal a bad day.
- those people who say “life’s too short to not eat ice cream every day!” have fast metabolisms. do not listen to them.
- it’s better to be aggressive than passive aggressive.
- most of the time the only thing in the whole world that can help you get over that freakface sideshow who broke your heart is time. yup, that’s it. just need to waaaait it out. pleasant AND fun.
- you’re not “supposed” to do or be anything. well, you’re not supposed to like..harm people or whatever. but other than that, you do you.
- most life lesson’s can be learned from disney movies. except for teen pregnancy. that may need to be addressed elsewhere.
- not all friends are meant to be forever friends. sometimes it’s just like, hey, it’s 2003, the time is right for us to be amigos. then 2004 rolls around and jupiter is in its 7th house, and the friendship just doesn’t work. it’s all right! you live, you learn- even from the girl who has a stroller for her cat.
- don’t be afraid to express genuine emotion. excited? act excited! sad? act sad! everyone feels a full range of emotions whether they admit it or not. even the queen of england goes to the bathroom- you know what i’m saying?
- i’ve realized (much to my chagrin) that yes, there are other inhabitable cities besides new york.
- concerts are always fun, even when the band blows.
- when words are failing you, just meow it out
- you will never feel as accomplished as when you hike to the top of a mountain (even if it’s a teeny tiny one!) you will feel like a total badass and also like outdoorsy and skinny.
- they say happiness comes from the inside, but i think a lot of times it comes from being trapped in a car with your best friends singing all the words to “i don’t wanna miss a thing” by aerosmith.
anyway, that’s all for now. happy my birthday to you!
also, big ups to mr. president, the big cheese, b-rock, on his 51st birthday. i’ll make sure to take a shot for you tonight!
life is all downhill from here.
it’s ridiculous to think that a 24-year-old (soon to be 25 in five days AH!) could possibly have the perspective, maturity and experience to write an autobiography. however, it’s still really fun to muse about what my - and other’s - life story would be called. what should the focus be? what defines you? is it your francophilia? your complicated relationship with your dog? your crippling fear of clowns? or perhaps it’s the scar on the back of your neck in the shape of a wishbone. so many experiences, and only one title! (well, mine will be written in volumes, but let’s pretend for simplicity’s sake that it’s a one-shot deal.)
when you peruse the book shelves at the store- oh wait, all the book stores have gone extinct? that sucks. when you peruse the first-person tales on Books4U.com there seem to be few different formulas for coming up with autobiography names.
1. your name + a vague run-on sentence describing your life’s journey
ex. “Marisa Kabas: How a girl from Long Island left the nest and changed the world by sharing her ideas, hopes and humor through the written word”
2. your name + three descriptors
ex. “Marisa Kabas: The girl, the scribe, the star.”
3. a pithy phrase + the [your name here] story
ex. “I’m Rolling My Eyes at the Person Behind You: The Marisa Kabas Story" (conversely, "I’m Sweating: The Marisa Kabas Story")
4. an over-dramatic phrase
ex. “Weathering the Storm” or “Courage in the Face of Darkness” or “The Write Way”
5. a really stupid pun which somehow incorporates the author’s name
ex. “Ame-Rick-a, The Beautiful” (note: the author’s name is rick)
for your reading pleasure, here are a few that friends and acquaintances have come up with for themselves:
“Snacks in the City”
"Pretty Girl, Bad Smell"
"It’s Not that I Don’t Like You, I Just Have to Go Save the World"
"Look at Your Life, Look at Your Choices"
"Oops: The John Smith Story"
“The One Giggling in the Corner”
"The Real Harry Potter: The Elizabeth Rosner Story"
”The Misadventures of a Skranimal: The Sarah Kranick Story”
“Mission Incredible: Adventures on the Dragon’s Tail”
"I’m Covered in Hives"
thanks to all my homies (and homies of homies) who contributed to this dazzling list. be on the lookout for these titles, hitting your local cybrary circa 2045.
The results are in! No one wins, you all lose.
soy un perdedor
so i recently returned from an extraordinary trip to israel, and since i couldn’t possibly put into words everything i saw and felt and experienced, i figured the easiest possible way to write about it would be to cull it down into an easily digested cultural face-off. in the spirit of the upcoming olympics i present to you: the israel vs. US holy smackdown.
ROUND 1: ICED COFFEE
many elements of this trip rocked my world, but none more that the israeli definition of iced coffee. every morning in new york i grab an iced coffee on my way to work which consists of: chilled coffee, ice, splash of milk, one sweet n’ low (growing a brain tumor, i’m aware.) but in the holy land it’s a whole different bag of beans. blended with what i presume to be whole milk, ice and a dash of crack cocaine, culminating in a delight normally reserved for birthdays and post-orchestra concert parties in middle school. the best version, hands down, was from this chain aroma…which i found out actually exists in ny and has helped ward off the crippling post-trip depression.
ROUND 2: URBAN PESTS
my fear of birds is well documented and my torment has followed me all over the world. chased by a swan in france. attacked by pigeons in venice. swarmed by seagulls in miami. so imagine how pleased i was to find that in israel instead of heinous dirty birds trolling the streets there were…heinous dirty cats. was there an imminent threat of rabies? indeed! but i’ll take a creepy feline over a rogue bird any day.
ROUND 3: OLD STUFF
i work across the street from the flatiron building, one of new york city’s most beautiful, historic and recognizable structures. it was built in 1902. in israeli years, that’s equivalent to approx 30 seconds. as this guy pointed out to us while in the city of tzfat, there are buildings in israel that have been around for two THOUSAND years. i’m not sure if you’re aware, but that’s a really long time. kind of makes you feel like a high school freshman that accidentally ended up at a college party.
three rounds to israel, eh? amazing what 10 incredible days in the middle east riding camels, scaling mountains, skirting borders and eating 15 lbs of hummus will do to even the most fervently new york girl.
he’s got a goofy laugh/
and a crooked smile.
he makes horrible jokes/
and his clothes are just vile.
he doesn’t know how to dance/
or gel his hair.
but i love him/
and i don’t care.
…absolutely no recollection of who this was written about, but he sounds like a dreamboat! wonder if he’s still single?